You know those days when your soul, mind and body just need a deep, cleansing wash from the worries and grime of life. It’s like hitting the restart button but better. That’s been me lately. I suppose it’s school -- slaying the essay and finish-this-entire-novel-in-two-nights beasts and battling procrastination while trying to find myself in wading through this thing called life.

 On Wednesday,the weather was warm, too warm. I went on a run, wanting to breath in brisk autumn but instead I finished, sticky and salty and sweaty, residue of lethargic summer days. I had no time to shower but I washed my face and it was the best thing that happened that day -- the feeling cold water on my skin, my cheeks,eyelashes, washing, washing, refreshing, reawakening. It was like reading poetry after being pelted with text or email messages and the obligation to answer them.

 “Fall, wash over me

I hear a beat, beat on the ground

And it makes me sing.”

--Joy Ike, “The Fall Song”

 On another note, I have thoroughly enjoyed living in an apartment this year and cooking for myself. I am by no means a food blogger but I would like to share a synthesis of a couple recipes I happened to create a few days ago. Unfortunately the picture on my phone isn’t that great so you’ll just have to make it yourself to taste this eye candy!  

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Coconut Banana Ice Cream with Coffee-Simmered Dates

(vegan; no sugar added)

Once upon an October morn

A tropical delight was born!

Coconut Sorbet

2 cups coconut milk (I used Silk; feel free to substitute your favorite milk)

1 cup shredded unsweetened coconut (or sweetened)

1/2 tsp vanilla

In a saucepan, combine the milk, coconut, and sugar. Bring the mixture to a simmer, stirring, then remove from heat and cover; set aside for one hour to steep. Freeze the coconut mixture completely. Meanwhile, simmer the dates. 

Coffee-Simmered Dates

12 Medjool dates, pited (I used Southern Grove Californian pitted dates)

1 cup coffee

1 cinnamon stick (or a 1/2 t. ground cinnamon)

1 sliver of orange peel

1/4 tsp. vanilla (optional but recommended)

Combine all ingredients into a medium saucepan and bring to a simmer. Simmer for about 15 minutes, until slightly reduced. Set aside the dates in a bowl; discard the cinnamon stick (if you used one) and orange peel. You can slip the dates out of their skins and discard the skins too but it's not needed. Continue to simmer the syrup for another 2 minutes. Remove from heat and set aside until serving. 

1 frozen banana

Frozen coconut sorbet

2-4 coffee-simmered dates

Take out the frozen coconut mixture or sorbet from the freezer and throw it in the microwaves for 30 seconds just to loosen it up. Using a knife or fork, chip out a chunk of frozen coconut sorbet (about 1/2-3/4 cup or equal parts to the banana; or just eyeball it to desired amount). Put the rest of the sorbet into the freezer for future ice cream delights or freeze more bananas and serve your friends!

In a blender but the coconut iceberg, the frozen banana slices and a splash of coffee or coconut milk (or any other milk you like) and blend until thick and smooth. You may need to add more milk or coffee to loosen things up a bit depending on your blender capabilities. Scrape the coconut banana ice cream into your favorite bowl, top with dates and drizzle the coffee syrup o’er everything and … SAVOR. *heavenly choir music as you take the first bite* 

 First tasted: 10.20.12

 Adapted from:

 http://onceamonthmom.com/wake-me-up-coffee-banana-smoothie/         http://www.wholeliving.com/176627/banana-ice-cream                     http://desertcandy.blogspot.com/2007/08/day-1-coconut-sorbet-with-coffee.html

My cousin, a biology pre-nursing major, once wrote to me, saying that she always pictured me, her English major cousin, sipping tea in a Victorian dress and deep in an analytic literary conversation about Shakespeare. A romantic image of an English major, indeed. True, I know lots of English majors who like tea and contribute to class discussion on Macbeth or John Donne, Twain, what have you, but you'd most likely see an English major sitting in the library with a stack of books at their laptop, chipping away at an essay at midnight. Perhaps cramming for a midterm with a chunk of flashcards and their anthologies spread about them and wearing sweat pants and clutching a tall cup of steamy caffeine. It's surely not all crumpets and metaphors. There are the gritty nights of swallowing practically a whole novel because you still had to finish that section in The Sound and the Fury the night before and, oh yeah, study for that quiz on Milton. But it's all worth it, all that reading. Because it's what we do and you can't survive the major without it. 

Our parents just came home from a weekend cabin retreat they took together. For the past few days, it's just been my little sister and me (my other siblings are away). Since I'm still on break I was home alone while my little sister had school. I didn't know what to do with myself. The days unwind and seem to fall through my fingers, like empty gum wrappers. I wish winter was here. It's almost mid January and it feels like spring. A few bird twitters and my mom's bulbs are poking out of the soil. What happened to a frozen ground, snow blankets, icicles, biting nights and trees dressed like brides? Come back, Winter.

Checked out Flyleaf's recent album, Remember To Live. Really great tag collection to their prior album Memento Mori. I opened up the booklet, expecting lyrics but I saw something else and it came at the right time:

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My daddy died in the war. At the funeral, I couldn’t take my eyes off the beautiful script tattooed on his hands. “Memento” on his left, “Mori” on his right. That was the first time I understood the words he had always spoken to me whenever he felt like I was being reckless with my time… or when I pitched a fit of anger over something petty… or when I went around discontented and depressed because of circumstances over which I had no control…

“Memento mori, my favorite one,” he’d say. “We must remember that each day of each life is a gift. We must not waste the opportunities we have to be alive and to truly love.”

I had wasted so many moments with my daddy because of my selfishness. I would wallow in my own problems and make them the center of my life. All the while, my daddy was fighting to show the world that if we would be selfless and love, then we could actually make the world a better place.

I heard him tell young soldiers who were deeply depressed, “You must take your eyes off of yourself and put them on others.” There was such a gentle love in his voice when he said this, never discounting the suffering in the heart of the soldiers while encouraging their caring for one another. He is the only one I ever knew who could speak with such bold truth and compassionate love at the same time.

The day after the funeral, I embroidered a patch on my coat that I committed to wear every day with the reminder that because I will die, I must remember to live, to be alive, and to do what I can while I’m still breathing and always choose to love with joy and grace. Also, when someone I love wants to live like they are already dead, the patch reminds me of my love for them and that I should not forget to pray for them to remember to live.

I embroidered the words “Memento Vivere” in the same beautiful script that once had read “Memento Mori” across my daddy’s hands. I know I will die, so I must remember to live.

Maranatha Pearl
Daughter of the Commander

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Here at home I feel like I get into a sort of sloth-like cage of myself. It's easy to do, easy to eat up the restful, lazy days when my life style has been thrown off by an unbalanced college life. Sigh. Maybe I'm really not being selfish by spending so much time alone, journaling writing, reading, doing things I've wanted to do for a long time but was hindered by a starved clock for time and steam for energy. I fill up energy by being alone. I keep needing to remind myself of that.

But I need to fill up with the right stuff, the right energy. For the next few weeks I have here, while I am resting from being around people and others, I still want to not focus on myself and draw closer to God. That's best thing to do for this break. And maybe snow will come before I leave so I can see my house dressed up in winter and my internal season clock won't be so messed up. (I dislike thinking I'm on spring break, but knowing I've not even started the semester yet. Plus memories of last summer keep filling my mind from all this springy weather.) Balance and snow ... I hope I find and see these two things again before I leave.